Seniors!

Talking about juniors.
I rarely have crushes on seniors.
But they do happen.
A couple of months ago I joined the college editorial team who bring out a yearly magazine. It's a substandard magazine with huge printing errors and copied articles, with separators having pictures roses and bleeding hearts. I think you've gotten the picture.
I go there unofficially with a friend of mine. Sit, talk to a few juniors about the English work. Then he comes in. The Chief Editor.
The world spins around me. He takes my name, I stand, he asks me something i stay silent.
He's fair, a final year student. He's cute. And his biceps: they're just wow! I stare at his shirt. A v-neck sweatshirt. White. I go down. The perfect colored jeans with a little bulge. It makes my heart do a jump.
I start working for the magazine, giving ideas, working for the separators and taking interviews. I don't get along with the English editor much but the chief editor: we naturally work well together. I see in him the role of both an elder brother and that of a lover.
It's a mixed feeling.
A month passes. The work is being finalized.
He calls me. He wants me to read the article and the 'letter from the editor' that he's written. He wants me to see if they're good enough.
I go to his room after college. It's in those foreigner's hostel wing. I knock and enter.
He's wearing a red t-shirt, probably the same jeans. He's sitting in his bed. He gets up shakes my hand. He half-sits-lies propped up by a pillow and his legs folded. I sit next to him on the bed.
He takes out a little notebook and starts reading. I listen. I stare at his face. The voice dims. I can't hear it anymore. He continues. I continue with the staring.
I walk back in the sun. Singing to myself. Smiling.
I go to my room. Turn on the ac. Lock the door, have some juice and strip to my underwear. Lying in my bed I imagine him sitting with me...

Why do I have crushes on straight guys? Juniors seniors everyone... Why am I so desperate?
But then again I've never been to a formal date. Never had those one night stands ManJam so proudly works for. Sometimes I think maybe I should get along with a guy. Just any random guy and get over with it once. To get rid of these crushes which have many a time screwed up my relations with good friends and stopped me from getting close to the gay people I talk to.
As I'm thinking about this another guy walks out from the canteen with a group of his friends. And I drool...